Crest of Morn

Crest of Morn

Night now in the early
crest of morning,
The darkness settled about,
The chirping sounds of insects
From my son’s sound box
As he sleeps.
I wonder
Of things beyond my sense,
The tense draping of strained
Silence
That I avoid
in the coming sounds
That fall.
This a.m in the blackness
With just the glow
of my screen,
The quiet calms my chaos.
In the muted madness
I find my voice
In words that stream,
That flow,
That guide me
In the crystal cool
Exhilaration
Of my noise.
I splash
the refreshing
release
against my fingers
that keep to type.

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Robin

Robin

I watched the robin hopping
On the grass not yet broken
Into the season of green spring.
The bird poked between the blades.
Did he hear more than the wind?
I sat and rocked in my chair
As I watched the flying creature
Flitting on the ground.
Vigilance made it tweak and turn
To noises beyond my ears.
It pulled at a worm now awake
In the morning of this April.
The robin seemed to slurp
The inches into its beak
As it prepared to embark.
I watched it lift its wings,
The beating of his desire to lift
and no longer alight on the hard
Floor of nourishment.
The spread of feathers,
The gathered strength
In a facade of ease
Propelled my thoughts
To my own need.
I stood to take to my own flight.
I left the languished moments
Of sadness
And went out to the light.
To the warmth of my kind
In the spectrum of beauty
Found in the beginnings
Beyond the stale winter.

Raking in Vermont

Raking

We raked up the leftover bits of Fall
Yesterday.
Put the pieces that still crinkled and crunched,
Like empty candy bar wrappers,
Along with the wilted fragments
Into the wheelbarrow
For our eleven year old
To toss down the ravine.
He hauled and huffed
As the true tween
As we combed the front lawn.
The sun in the late afternoon
Lit up the dull lifeless grass
As I imagined the greens coming in,
The flowers remembering their part
In the spring production
Surrounding Mary.
In the garden
The stalks of last year’s Black-Eyed Susan’s
Were gray and brown but
I saw the yellows and green stems
And the bright brown buttons inside
The lifeless husks.
It will come.
Yes, it will be good I think.
I continue to brush
The grass back into before
The snow wintered
Like blankets over the yard.
I rested between piles
on my yellow vintage chair that bounced
Me on the metal with my ideas
Of what would be.
The setting sun played
With my emotions
As I endured the frosty
Chill to believe that spring
Was truly approaching.
I could wait, I could wait.

Tears That Must Rain Down

Tears That Must Rain Down

With lips sealed to praise my Lord
When the secular world creeps in,
When the activism against my faith
blankets my state, I stay quiet within.

Oh the tears that must rain down on me
When I turn my back and hide.
When I suffer in the silence
And yet Jesus still was crucified.

Oh dear sweet full man, full God
Who dwells inside my soul,
Hear my cries, fill me up
With the Spirit who makes whole.

For I am a lonely sinner
Who needs Your love in life.
Reach down and hold me more
When I fall in humanity’s strife.

Wipe away the pain and fear
That resides so much on earth.
Help my suffering ease your pain
As You fill me with Your worth.

Let my voice be broken free
And echo through the land.
Help me shout for joy of you
For all to understand.

I do not have to live in fear
Even if my body dies.
For my eternal home for sure
Is with You Lord above the skies.

Faith Like A Child

Faith Like A Child

I packed away my childhood for journeys through the land.
Where serious discoveries only adults could understand.

I whistled as I walked about, but realized that was young.
I whispered that i could be strong when life reached out and stung.

The tunnel dark was very long as I scurried through the maze.
I sought the light, the Word so bright for Him to come amaze.

The path did wind around the world, I walked, I crawled, I crept.
My youth within cried out for me but my soul it really slept.

I found myself beside the sea, in sand without a rope.
I watched the waves roll over me I sunk, no sound, just couldn’t cope.

Then from up high I heard the call, the notes of song on high.
I heard the wind as it carried voice that bid me, “Pray don’t die!”

With hands grasped tight I closed my eyes and in fervor pled for dawn’s break through.
For God to find me with the morn, a guide for life in better view.

A crack of sunrise broke in sky I opened heart to finally see.
The child within began in song as I brought her out with me.

God said to come like little ones, to find a way to live.
I held the hand of my young self, the mold of how to give.

I brought my faith back to my life, I released it from inside.
I loved the way that I became both young and old in stride.

For we are called to be the ones that share our faith as gift.
To uphold the love that Jesus brought, to the world sing out and lift.

Spring without My Dad

Spring without my Dad

It’s raining steady drops that fall
Into the soft beginning of lawns just waking.
I watch the greens explode into rich colors,
The tulips bursting forth one at a time,
The white stones vivid against the bushes
Developing life again.
And still I want to cry for the missed memory
Of my father.
The failed capture of joy,
The complete lack of consolation
From the newness offered.
I want the old back,
Want my Dad snapping his fingers
While he dances sideways.
Want to watch him sip
On a long neck bottle,
Alcohol breath as he kisses
Us goodnight.
I expect him to land from the air
And walk from the strip
To meet us by the luggage with Sue.
I want to capture his smile on Facebook photos,
Want to hug him tight even though he feels thinner
Than before.
I want to press my sadness to his heart
And have him hold me again.
I long for his wisdom,
His offers of help.
But it is quiet now as it rains.
I watch the driveway fill with puddles,
Deep holes like what is left in my own chest,
My own pulsing pain.
I miss him. I miss the old.
The streaks on my window
Are tears tracing the outline
Of paths we took, trails in life.
I will follow how he led, I will live.
I go out and embrace the onset
Of a beautiful season
With my Dad close in thought,
Alive beyond humanity
As I tend to new growth.

Serenity

Sometimes I grasp onto the moments that make me human. The mistakes that I live among. The fragile sense of safety that I struggle to rely on. For I am only one person. But I am one that wants to do more to help the world of others living here. I pursue the fears that trouble me. I write them down and expose the gentle side of my pain, the survivor who fears the someday suicide possibility.
But I love. I linger in the senses of nature. The greening of the world, the light that discovers me hidden and brightens my days. Thanks for reading.

Serenity

I long to create peace
In the pauses
Of chaos.
In the din of unchallenged myths,
The stigma of my own self,
I curse and let fall
the boundary
Of a normal life.
I am in control.
I am in
My life
Sometimes trapped
Between the drop,
The free fall of fear
to reality on the ground.
Tears create
rage like waves
Crashing against skin.
I learn to dive inward,
To destroy the eddy, the current,
The undertow that pulls me down.
To be the swimmer, the diver,
The sea explorer
Surfacing with treasure
from fearful froth.
My triumph found
overcoming terror.
My fatality turned into life
Aboard a salvaged soul.
I float beyond the storm,
In the tranquility,
The serene
living waters
I pursue.